Up until this point I've discussed my first three pregnancy losses with almost an ease that surprised me. Which was kind of the point for me doing this. To help me move past it and accept what's meant to be perhaps. So when I planned my next post the following day, I just stared at my computer screen. I couldn't form the words to type. I knew that this would be the most difficult to talk about and I thought I was prepared too.
After a few days of really coming to grips with my thoughts and emotions, I think I'm ready to continue. I will kind of warn you guys that this post may be difficult even for a reader to read. But I feel that I need to be as detailed as possible so that this similar situation can possibly be prevented from happening to others.
It took us a good six months or so to really settle down in our new town. The moment we arrived I just fell in love with Aiken. This town has a very old feel to it still, like Civil War era. Beautiful colonial houses that dated back a couple hundred years , lots of huge oak trees that stretch across the streets to form a gorgeous arch. Simply breath-taking. Total Gone With The Wind feel. It was a little rough at first financially, but eventually we did find really good jobs and things were looking up. We traveled through the state just kind of checking things out in our spare time. I love history so I was just eating it all up too. My favorite place that we went to was Charleston (Charles Town). This city was magical and I honestly can say that I felt like I had travelled back in time. Most of the streets were the original cobblestones from early 1800's. The houses around the Battery(OMG). Just WOW!!! But enough about all that. Maybe I'm just stalling or maybe trying to imprint a happy image in your mind before you continue reading. Lol
One day while I was at work, I was just feeling blah. I was super tired, my boobs were hurting, and I pretty much knew that I was pregnant again. Chip went out and bought a test for me and when we got home after work, the positive line showed almost instantly to confirm that I was indeed preggo. I naturally true to form just started to cry while I was still in the bathroom. I was scared; I mean really scared. When I opened the door Chip was right there waiting for me. All he had to do was see that I was crying and he pretty much guessed the result without me saying anything. We just stood there hugging each other. He told me to quit so that I wouldn't get upset or stressed and make things worse. We've been down this road three times already before but the result was the same. We went out to dinner that night and met up with our cousins and their three kids, whom we just adored. Their two girls were already writing on a piece of paper baby names, with one column for girls and the other boys. It was kind of nice just for once to just go with it. They were to little to understand everything really, but they knew that I have lost three babies before because my body wasn't strong enough. The next day at work I told my boss the news and she was very understanding and sympathetic. She knew of our past historyl, so when I prepared her that I was going to have many appointments over the next few weeks it wasn't a problem. Since I didn't have an OB there yet, I got out the telephone book and started to call to find one that worked with high risk pregnancy. Almost everyone I called were not seeing new patients or I couldn't be seen for weeks. I knew that one of our clients was an OB doctor and I was running out of options so I called his office. After giving them all the details they were sweet enough to have me come in that day. It was awkward since he was a client but at that point I really didn't care, I just wanted reassurance that everything was going to be ok this time. The nurse drew my blood and had me wait for their ultrasound tech to come in and scan me. I just knew that this time I was going to finally see that beautiful little sac. But I didn't! :( I was told that it's still too early to really see a sac according to what my last period cycle was which put me approximately a little more than six weeks. This was the furthest along I've been so I was hopeful that maybe this was the one. Later that afternoon their office called me with my blood results and my beta number was really good. Right where it needed to be, but my progesterone level was low and the doctor wanted me to immediately start using a prescription of progesterone in the form of a suppository. YUCK. So I asked if I could take instead a pill form, but was told no. The nurse said the suppository administers the medication instantly and the pill doesn't. I was scheduled to repeat my blood work in forty-eight hours to monitor my beta and progesterone levels to insure that they continue to rise. So over the next week in a half, every forty-eight hours I went and had my blood drawn, then had to painstakingly wait for the the call with results. Now my numbers never fully doubled like they're suppose too,but they did continue to rise and the doctor was fine with this. Chip and I finally started to get excited and relaxed a little more. We were finally going to have our baby!!!
On Saturday morning I woke up early because I felt achy. My back was hurting and oh my gosh my boobs felt like they both weighed fifty pounds each. But I was loving every miserable moment because these were all normal pregnancy symptoms. Increase in appetite-check. Always tired-check. My boobs were getting bigger (woohoo)-check. It was about 7:30 and Chip was still asleep, so I went out into the living room and just laid on the couch and watched TV. I remember every detail about that morning, afternoon, and evening like it was yesterday. I was happily watching Vin Diesel in The Chronicles of Riddick and thinking that I really wish Chip would hurry up and get up because IHOP was sounding fabulous for breakfast. But I wanted him to sleep and knew that I could wait. I ended up dozing off for a little while because the next thing I know it was 9:30 according to the clock. I really did want some IHOP and wanted to beat the morning rush, so figured that it was time to wake Chip up. As soon as that thought entered my mind, I felt this ridiculous pain. The absolute worst pain ever; like I was just stabbed with a butcher knife in my left ovary. But it was real quick and then it was gone. I walked to the bedroom and woke Chip up, or tried too. It took a few smooches from me and lots of grumbling from him, but he came awake when I told him that I just experienced this horrible pain and that it stopped and I felt ok. I didn't know why but IHOP didn't sound that great anymore to me. I got up and went back into the living room and within ten to fifteen minutes I felt a sudden weird pressure in my stomach. It felt like a huge air bubble was in there and just expanding. Figuring that maybe I..you know had to use the restroom or something, I went to the bathroom. But nothing happened. This pressure remained pretty steady for about an hour and I started to stress just a little. So Chip and I decided that maybe we should call the doctor's office just to be on the safe side. Since it was Saturday we had to leave a message with the answering service and wait for a call back, and luckily it wasn't a long wait before my doctor called us back. I describe exactly what happened starting with that sharp stabbing pain to the now weird pressure feeling. He immediately said that I was experiencing just really bad gas and that this was normal. He gave us a list of a few OTC medications that would be safe to take and that should help to relieve this. Chip got dressed in record time and bless his heart went to the store and purchased every single item that the doctor named. I was really starting to get pretty uncomfortable so I tried one thing and waited but it didn't work. We were told it would be ok to take a certain amount safely so I took another dose and waited. Nothing. It was about 11:00 a.m at this point and it just felt like it was getting worse now. I was having trouble even walking. Any little movement would set off that uncomfortable pressure, but as long as I stayed still I was ok.
This was some wicked gas I was having apparently. But in saying that, it was a total lie. I knew it couldn't be just gas. Right? We called the doctor back but he was still pretty confident that it was just really bad gas. So I just with with it. I told Chip that maybe if I took a hot shower and got cleaned up that I may feel better and to call our cousins an see if they wanted to meet us for lunch. Showering proved to be tough though. I couldn't stand straight because when reaching my hands up to wash my hair made the pain worst. But some how I finished my shower, put on a little make-up, and fixed my hair sort of. Halfway down our stairs outside, I found myself sitting on the steps because I just couldn't go any further. Our neighbor had just walked out of his apartment too and he saw me. He asked if I was ok, but I was embarrassed for some weird reason and just replied that I felt like I was going to throw up so I just needed to sit down for a minute. It took some time but eventually I made it to our car and after a really uncomfortable ride we made it to Chili's. I was completely spaced out. I just sat at the table pretending that I was just feeling morning sickness when all the delicious smells floated around me making me want to barf. Which I would have when the waiter set my soup in front of me. I hopped up and told everyone that I was sorry but I was really sick and just wanted to go lay in the car. I assured them that I was fine and for them to finish and not to worry. It was only a few minutes after I was in the car laying down when Chip joined me and said I'm taking you home. By now I have no idea what Chip was honestly thinking, but I knew that something wasn't right with the baby. But I ignored this and convinced myself everything was fine.
Everything was so far from fine. I think I somehow willed myself to sleep because I did actually sleep for a few hours on the couch. But when I woke up, I was spotting and I seriously thought that I was dying. And I'm not just using that as an expression. I told Chip as much so he placed another call to the doctor. Now wouldn't you think by this point the doctor would have advised us to go to the ER? Nah...just the opposite. Chip asked but the doctor replied that all that will happen is we would get there and wait forever, just to be sent home. I think he even said something like it also would be a waste of money. Seriously you guys, this is what MY doctor said. It was now maybe close to 8:00 p.m. I was on the floor with my bum stuck in the air and my arms stretch out in front on me. This was the only position that I found to be semi comfortable in. I remember Buckshot coming over and laying down next to me. I stared straight into his adorable little eyes while I stroked his head and for some reason it's like I knew he was trying to communicate with me. He always seems to know when something isn't right. Example would be that he once alerted us one day when I decided to make nachos but forgot about them while they were in the oven. He kept running in and out of our room which was in the back of the house, just barking crazy. When it got annoying, we both got up to see what the heck was wrong with him. Well... the whole kitchen was filled with smoke and the nachos were on fire in the oven. Oops!!
So in some way I really think he was telling me that I needed to do something. We had no idea where the local hospital was but somehow we found a sign that led us there. I managed to sit but by this point I was crying so hard. I was scared out of my mind, and I was in so much pain. And it was taking forever naturally. This sweet lady that was sitting next to me asked me if I was ok and I told her no, that I felt like I was dying. That I was pregnant and hurting, and scared that I was losing my baby again. When one of the nurses came out and called her name, bless her heart, she told them to take me first. She could wait. Now I know this post seems like a book at this point, but I really feel it's important to be detailed.
I was eventually admitted around 2:30 a.m Sunday morning. When I was informed that I most likely had an ectopic(tubal) pregnancy and that there was nothing that can be done to save the pregnancy, I finally gave in to take pain medication. I was settled into a private room and lucky enough to get a nurse that turns out to be one of my favorite clients. (Small Town you guys). Chip came in and I think he tried to explain what was happening, but I was high as a kite. What he explained later I learned was that they were trying to get an emergency surgical team together because it was Sunday and no one was there. I was going to be rushed into surgery just as soon as this was done. It was around 4:30 or 5:00 a.m when I was being wheeled down the hall and into surgery. My doctor told Chip that it should only really take about an hour. Well can you imagine how frantic he was that four hours later I was still in surgery? But that's how long it took. By the next day Chip tried to explain what happened, but they kept me pretty heavily sedated so it was all a little fuzzy. It wasn't until the third day that I really learned all the gruesome details and comprehended them fully. That initial pain that I experienced was most likely when my tube actually ruptured. The pressure and pain was from the amount of blood in my stomach, which turned out to be several pints worth. I spent the next 4 weeks in bed recovering from this ordeal. Depression hit me hard. Chip never left my side through any of this either, but he eventually had to go back to work. Buckshot never left my side while I was alone and he was even allowed to lay in the bed with me. My mother was able to find a flight a few days after Chip went back to work and stayed for a week to help us out. I pretended that I was fine the whole time she was there but honestly I wasn't. I was in such a deep void state of mind and in a very dark place. Hopelessness.
I'm really hoping to reach out to woman and tell them my story so this doesn't have to happen to them. Please don't take any chances, even if your doctor tell you that you're just experiencing severe gas. Chip was told that if we would have waited any longer to go to the hospital, that I probably would have died from this. I was bleeding to death internally that whole day pretty much. Growing weaker and weaker because of the blood loss. This miscarriage will haunt me for the rest of my life. It will haunt my husband because he almost lost me.
If you are someone that's considered to be high-risk, please go to a specialist. A fertility doctor. Someone who knows just how very serious your monitoring needs to be. I pray that this post may help others out there. If not you directly, then someone you may know that may be experiencing the same type of thing. Please share my story, or give them my blog link. Because my story just doesn't stop here.
Part IV to continue...
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