My Battle With Infertility & Recurrent Miscarriage Part III !!!

Up until this point I've discussed my first three pregnancy losses with almost an ease that surprised me. Which was kind of the point for me doing this. To help me move past it and accept what's meant to be perhaps. So when I planned my next post the following day, I just stared at my computer screen. I couldn't form the words to type. I knew that this would be the most difficult to talk about and I thought I was prepared too.
After a few days of really coming to grips with my thoughts and emotions, I think I'm ready to continue. I will kind of warn you guys that this post may be difficult even for a reader to read. But I feel that I need to be as detailed as possible so that this similar situation can possibly be prevented from happening to others.

It took us a good six months or so to really settle down in our new town. The moment we arrived I just fell in love with Aiken. This town has a very old feel to it still, like Civil War era. Beautiful colonial houses that dated back a couple hundred years , lots of huge oak trees that stretch across the streets to form a gorgeous arch. Simply breath-taking. Total Gone With The Wind feel. It was a little rough at first financially, but eventually we did find really good jobs and things were looking up. We traveled through the state just kind of checking things out in our spare time. I love history so I was just eating it all up too. My favorite place that we went to was Charleston (Charles Town). This city was magical and I honestly can say that I felt like I had travelled back in time. Most of the streets were the original cobblestones from early 1800's. The houses around the Battery(OMG). Just WOW!!! But enough about all that. Maybe I'm just stalling or maybe trying to imprint a happy image in your mind before you continue reading. Lol 
One day while I was at work, I was just feeling blah. I was super tired, my boobs were hurting, and I pretty much knew that I was pregnant again. Chip went out and bought a test for me and when we got home after work, the positive line showed almost instantly to confirm that I was indeed preggo. I naturally true to form just started to cry while I was still in the bathroom. I was scared; I mean really scared. When I opened the door Chip was right there waiting for me. All he had to do was see that I was crying and he pretty much guessed the result without me saying anything. We just stood there hugging each other. He told me to quit so that I wouldn't get upset or stressed and make things worse. We've been down this road three times already before but the result was the same. We went out to dinner that night and met up with our cousins and their three kids, whom we just adored. Their two girls were already writing on a piece of paper baby names, with one column for girls and the other boys. It was kind of nice just for once to just go with it. They were to little to understand everything really, but they knew that I have lost three babies before because my body wasn't  strong enough.  The next day at work I told my boss the news and she was very understanding and sympathetic. She knew of our past historyl, so when I prepared her that I was going to have many appointments over the next few weeks it wasn't a problem. Since I didn't have an OB there yet, I got out the telephone book and started to call to find one that worked with high risk pregnancy. Almost everyone I called were not seeing new patients or I couldn't be seen for weeks. I knew that one of our clients was an OB doctor and I was running out of options so I called his office. After giving them all the details they were sweet enough to have me come in that day. It was awkward since he was a client but at that point I really didn't care, I just wanted reassurance that everything was going to be ok this time. The nurse drew my blood and had me wait for their ultrasound tech to come in and scan me. I just knew that this time I was going to finally see that beautiful little sac. But I didn't! :(  I was told that it's still too early to really see a sac according to what my last period cycle was which put me approximately a little more than six weeks. This was the furthest along I've been so I was hopeful that maybe this was the one. Later that afternoon their office called me with my blood results and my beta number was really good. Right where it needed to be, but my progesterone level was low and the doctor wanted me to immediately start using a prescription of progesterone in the form of a suppository. YUCK. So I asked if I could take instead a pill form, but was told no. The nurse said the suppository administers the medication instantly and the pill doesn't. I was scheduled to repeat my blood work in forty-eight hours to monitor my beta and progesterone levels to insure that they continue to rise. So over the next week in a half, every forty-eight hours I went and had my blood drawn, then had to painstakingly wait for the the call with results. Now my numbers never fully doubled like they're suppose too,but they did continue to rise and the doctor was fine with this. Chip and I finally started to get excited and relaxed a little more. We were finally going to have our baby!!!

On Saturday morning I woke up early because I felt achy. My back was hurting and oh my gosh my boobs felt like they both weighed fifty pounds each. But I was loving every miserable moment because these were all normal pregnancy symptoms. Increase in appetite-check. Always tired-check. My boobs were getting bigger (woohoo)-check. It was about 7:30 and Chip was still asleep, so I went out into the living room and just laid on the couch and watched TV. I remember every detail about that morning, afternoon, and evening like it was yesterday. I was happily watching Vin Diesel in The Chronicles of Riddick and thinking that I really wish Chip would hurry up and get up because IHOP was sounding fabulous for breakfast. But I wanted him to sleep and knew that I could wait. I ended up dozing off for a little while because the next thing I know it was 9:30 according to the clock. I really did want some IHOP and wanted to beat the morning rush, so figured that it was time to wake Chip up. As soon as that thought entered my mind, I felt this ridiculous pain. The absolute worst pain ever; like I was just stabbed with a butcher knife in my left ovary. But it was real quick and then it was gone. I walked to the bedroom and woke Chip up, or tried too. It took a few smooches from me and lots of grumbling from him, but he came awake when I told him that I just experienced this horrible pain and that it stopped and I felt ok. I didn't know why but IHOP didn't sound that great anymore to me. I got up and went back into the living room and within ten to fifteen minutes I felt a sudden weird pressure in my stomach. It felt like a huge air bubble was in there and just expanding. Figuring that maybe I..you know had to use the restroom or something, I went to the bathroom. But nothing happened. This pressure remained pretty steady for about an hour and I started to stress just a little. So Chip and I decided that maybe we should call the doctor's office just to be on the safe side. Since it was Saturday we had to leave a message with the answering service and wait for a call back, and luckily it wasn't a long wait before my doctor called us back. I describe exactly what happened starting with that sharp stabbing pain to the now weird pressure feeling. He immediately said that I was experiencing just really bad gas and that this was normal. He gave us a list of a few OTC medications that would be safe to take and that should help to relieve this. Chip got dressed in record time and bless his heart went to the store and purchased every single item that the doctor named. I was really starting to get pretty uncomfortable so I tried one thing and waited but it didn't work. We were told it would be ok to take a certain amount safely so I took another dose and waited. Nothing. It was about 11:00 a.m at this point and it just felt like it was getting worse now. I was having trouble even walking. Any little movement would set off that uncomfortable pressure, but as long as I stayed still I was ok.
This was some wicked gas I was having apparently. But in saying that, it was a total lie. I knew it couldn't be just gas. Right? We called the doctor back but he was still pretty confident that it was just really bad gas. So I just with with it. I told Chip that maybe if I took a hot shower and got cleaned up that I may feel better and to call our cousins an see if they wanted to meet us for lunch. Showering proved to be tough though. I couldn't stand straight because when  reaching my hands up to wash my hair made the pain worst. But some how I finished my shower, put on a little make-up, and fixed my hair sort of. Halfway down our stairs outside, I found myself sitting on the steps because I just couldn't go any further. Our neighbor had just walked out of his apartment too and he saw me. He asked if I was ok, but I was embarrassed for some weird reason and just replied that I felt like I was going to throw up so I just needed to sit down for a minute. It took some time but eventually I made it to our car and after a really uncomfortable ride we made it to Chili's. I was completely spaced out. I just sat at the table pretending that I was just feeling morning sickness when all the delicious smells floated around me making me want to barf. Which I would have when the waiter set my soup in front of me. I hopped up and told everyone that I was sorry but I was really sick and just wanted to go lay in the car. I assured them that I was fine and for them to finish and not to worry. It was only a few minutes after I was in the car laying down when Chip joined me and said I'm taking you home. By now I have no idea what Chip was honestly thinking, but I knew that something wasn't right with the baby. But I ignored this and convinced myself everything was fine.

Everything was so far from fine. I think I somehow willed myself to sleep because I did actually sleep for a few hours on the couch. But when I woke up, I was spotting and I seriously thought that I was dying. And I'm not just using that as an expression. I told Chip as much so he placed another call to the doctor. Now wouldn't you think by this point the doctor would have advised us to go to the ER? Nah...just the opposite. Chip asked  but the doctor replied that all that will happen is we would get there and wait forever, just to be sent home. I think he even said something like it also would be a waste of money. Seriously you guys, this is what MY doctor said. It was now maybe close to 8:00 p.m. I was on the floor with my bum stuck in the air and my arms stretch out in front on me. This was the only position that I found to be semi comfortable in. I remember Buckshot coming over and laying down next to me. I stared straight into his adorable little eyes while I stroked his head and for some reason it's like I knew he was trying to communicate with me. He always seems to know when something isn't right. Example would be that he once alerted us one day when I decided to make nachos but forgot about them while they were in the oven. He kept running in and out of our room which was in the back of the house, just barking crazy. When it got annoying, we both got up to see what the heck was wrong with him. Well... the whole kitchen was filled with smoke and the nachos were on fire in the oven. Oops!!
So in some way I really think he was telling me that I needed to do something. We had no idea where the local hospital was but somehow we found a sign that led us there. I managed to sit but by this point I was crying so hard. I was scared out of my mind, and I was in so much pain. And it was taking forever naturally. This sweet lady that was sitting next to me asked me if I was ok and I told her no, that I felt like I was dying. That I was pregnant and hurting, and scared that I was losing my baby again. When one of the nurses came out and called her name, bless her heart, she told them to take me first. She could wait. Now I know this post seems like a book at this point, but I really feel it's important to be detailed.
I was eventually admitted around 2:30 a.m Sunday morning. When I was informed that I most likely had an ectopic(tubal) pregnancy and that there was nothing that can be done to save the pregnancy, I finally gave in to take pain medication. I was settled into a private room and lucky enough to get a nurse that turns out to be one of my favorite clients. (Small Town you guys). Chip came in and I think he tried to explain what was happening, but I was high as a kite. What he explained later I learned was that they were trying to get an emergency surgical team together because it was Sunday and no one was there. I was going to be rushed into surgery just as soon as this was done. It was around 4:30 or 5:00 a.m when I was being wheeled down the hall and into surgery. My doctor told Chip that it should only really take about an hour. Well can you imagine how frantic he was that four hours later I was still in surgery? But that's how long it took. By the next day Chip tried to explain what happened, but they kept me pretty heavily sedated so it was all a little fuzzy. It wasn't until the third day that I really learned all the gruesome details and comprehended them fully. That initial pain that I experienced was most likely when my tube actually ruptured. The pressure and pain was from the amount of blood in my stomach, which turned out to be several pints worth. I spent the next 4 weeks in bed recovering from this ordeal. Depression hit me hard. Chip never left my side through any of this either, but he eventually had to go back to work. Buckshot never left my side while I was alone and he was even allowed to lay in the bed with me. My mother was able to find a flight a few days after Chip went back to work and stayed for a week to help us out. I pretended that I was fine the whole time she was there but honestly I wasn't. I was in such a deep void state of mind and in a very dark place. Hopelessness.

I'm really hoping to reach out to woman and tell them my story so this doesn't have to happen to them. Please don't take any chances, even if your doctor tell you that you're just experiencing severe gas. Chip was told that if we would have waited any longer to go to the hospital, that I probably would have died from this. I was bleeding to death internally that whole day pretty much. Growing weaker and weaker because of the blood loss. This miscarriage will haunt me for the rest of my life. It will haunt my husband because he almost lost me.
If you are someone that's considered to be high-risk, please go to a specialist. A fertility doctor. Someone who knows just how very serious your monitoring needs to be. I pray that this post may help others out there. If not you directly, then someone you may know that may be experiencing the same type of thing. Please share my story, or give them my blog link. Because my story just doesn't stop here.

Part IV to continue...

My Battle With Infertility & Recurrent Miscarriage Part II !!!

 The second loss was just as painful as the first loss. At this point, I just didn't get it. But the doctor again tried to reassure us that sometimes this happens. It's almost normal to have one or two miscarriages. Well I didn't think it was normal. We decided to wait a while before we tried again, so we just enjoyed each other and being married. When it was time, I decided to go back on Clomid since it worked before. The first and second cycle did not work, but on the third cycle it did. It was kind of a strange too. I remember vividly like if it was yesterday, how we were traveling to Oklahoma with my mother to visit with family. All I wanted to do was sleep the whole trip. And boy did I too. Chip made a few comments about it but it didn't dawn on me why I was so exhausted all the time. I seriously thought I was just gearing up for my period because my boobs were hurting so bad. When we were headed back home, we stopped at a convenience store for a potty break and wouldn't you know that aunt Flo showed up. By the time we got home I was still so very hormonal and very tired. I went to the little girls room to take care of business and noticed that I hadn't bled anymore. This was really strange, but figured I was stressed or something. About a week had passed and I still never started so I was pretty now. I remembered that I had a spare pregnancy test so I decided why not. I was shocked when it came back positive because frankly I wasn't expecting a positive result. I ended up just sitting in my bathroom for a while just crying my eyes out. I didn't know how I felt. For sure I knew I was scared shit less but I honestly couldn't say that I had that overwhelming joy this time like I did before. By the time I found Chip in the other room, I was still crying. He was really confused until I showed him the stick.
The trip to the doctor's office was very different this time around. When he confirmed the pregnancy he decided to ultrasound me, but I was still pretty early so we were unable to see the little bean. I was instructed to come back in 48 hours to repeat my blood work to make sure that my beta numbers were increasing and doubling. He explained how this was extremely important because it will determine how viable the pregnancy is. So two days later I went back to the office and repeated my blood work. They called me later that afternoon and told me that the number did go up but that I had to go back and repeat my blood work again in another 48 hours. Now I need to enlighten this topic by telling a very funny story. Poor Chip is a little sensitive when it comes to seeing others blood. The girl that was trying to do my blood draw was having a very hard time getting my veins to corporate. She ended up sticking me like 3 times in one arm, moved to the other arm and repeated but still nothing. At this point she was really hurting me. So I asked nicely if there was someone else that could try because it was really starting to hurt. The head nurse came in and decided to just use a butterfly needle because i had been poked already so much she didn't want to hurt me anymore. For those not familiar with the butterfly needle, its a very small needle connected to a small tube that feeds into the vial. Success on the first attempt!! BUT she needed something and I can't remember what it was, so she asked Chip to hold my vial of blood while the needle was still in my arm. The look on his face was priceless. One minute he looked from me to the vial in his hand and the next he was laid out on the floor passed out cold. I have to catch the vial that was dangling from my arm, all the while laughing my ass off. I could not believe that my big strong husband had just fainted. It actually took them using smelling salts to revive him. Poor Chip, he does not find this story funny at all, but everyone else did!!!
We had to keep doing the blood work every 48 hours over the next week. It was very stressful and nerve wracking to say the least, so we decided  to not celebrate until we knew for sure that everything would be ok. I think it's because deep down I knew that it wouldn't be. And I hate to say that I was right because I woke up one morning to find that I started spotting. This just crushed me you guys. I wanted to believe so badly that I was wrong and just being negative. The next day I went back to the doctor, repeated blood work and was told to go back home and elevate my legs and try and relax until they called me with my results. Yeah right, easier said than done. But I did try. My mind was racing all over the place. I remember just praying so hard and even tried talking to the little guy inside me begging it to be strong and to please try and fight for us. By late that afternoon I got the phone call that confirm our worst fear. My numbers dropped from the last result and I was having another miscarriage. At this point, I finally broke. I just could not understand why this kept happening to us. What was wrong with me? Why did this keep happening to us? I mean, we are both Christians. We're not drug addicts, or alcoholics. We're not bad people that hurt others, or do bad things. So why did I keep losing our babies? Was I not woman enough? I remember breaking down to Chip one night, telling him that I would understand if he didn't want to be with me anymore. That I would not be able to give him any children to carry on his name. I didn't think it was fair for him to have to stay with me. Well he just looked at me and then told me to shut up and smiled. He pulled me to him and just held me. He told me that he wouldn't go anywhere and that it didn't matter to him if we didn't ever have kids. What matters is that he loved me and was perfectly happy with it just being us. God I love this man!!!
I was still pretty depressed for some time after all this. We decided not to really tell anyone that we were pregnant until we knew for sure that it would be ok. So we didn't have to worry about making those terrible phone calls. I know that my parents  have always worried for me. They both have made comments that maybe it was them that passed something on to me when I was born. They both feel so guilty that this kept happening to me.
Of course I still had the depression lingering, but I also had my best friend and soul mate with me to help me through it. Now, I have mentioned myself and how I was always feeling. But I haven't mentioned Chip and how hard it was for him as well. . He told me that he couldn't really mourn the pregnancy losses yet, that he was too busy making sure that I was going to be ok first. But that he is dealing with it in his own way. We've always kind of left it at that, but inside I knew how much this was tearing him up too.

About six months after losing our third pregnancy, I started having the severe pains again. I tried to ignore them but they got so bad that I couldn't put it off any longer. I ended up going to a new OBGYN and instantly fell in love with her. She was just awesome. After going through all my history, she completed her exam and then sent me to ultrasound. There they found that I had a huge cyst on one of my ovaries that was the size of a small apple apparently. I was scheduled for surgery #3 a few days later. After I was released, Chip told me they removed the cyst and that there was a lot of endometriosis again. I was so tired of my body. I hated it. Why couldn't I just be a normal girl? I wake up almost every day asking this question. But then I snap out of it and think how lucky I am to have a wonder husband and a wonderful family. I also have a wonderful puppy named Buckshot, who heals some of that emptiness and heartache I always carry around.

Life went back to normal for us after a while. We bought our first house that year. We both had great jobs. Things were pretty good. Life was good and we were happy. So when my hubby told me that after talking with his cousin who had just very recently moved with his family to South Carolina with his job; that maybe we could move there too. I was like...umm.ok sure honey. I didn't think he was that serious but he was. We spent some time on the Internet looking at pictures of this small town they lived in and we both just fell in love with it. So decision made, we sold our house, Chip turned in his two week notice and we were moving to South Carolina just for the hell of it. We ended up renting an apartment in the complex our cousins lived in there since we really had no clue what we were gonna do once we got there. Chip and I said goodbye to our cute little house and I watched him as he pulled away in a Uhaul with all our stuff heading for Aiken, SC. I actually had to stay behind to continue to work and earn income until he settled in there and secured a job. This was the hardest part for me because we have never been away from one another before. So Buckshot and I stayed with my mother for about a month or two. Well ok...that was the plan but I only made it a little more than two weeks before I couldn't take being away from Chip any more. So with my mom's help, we packed up what little stuff I still had into my SUV and headed for Aiken.  Our new and fresh start to something... I guess!!!

Part III to continue tomorrow-
Miscarriage #4 that nearly killed me

My Battle With Infertility & Recurrent Miscarriage Part I !!!

I want to do something a little different with my blog this week. I've been thinking about sharing my story with infertility and recurrent miscarriages for a while now. This is something that is extremely hard to talk about much less write about, but its something that I need to do. So each day this week I will dedicate a post about 'our' battle with infertility and discuss the emotional and physical hardship of our six pregnancy losses.

With the thousands of woman and men who suffer from this condition, I felt that sharing my story could possibly help others that are experiencing the same thing we are. So if you know anyone that is, please feel free to share my blog link with them. My blog

It all started when I was diagnosed at age fifteen with stage three endometriosis. This is a condition in which the tissue that behaves like the cells lining the uterus (endometrium) grows in other areas of the body, causing pain, irregular bleeding, and possible infertility.
The tissue growth (implant) typically occurs in the pelvic area, outside of the uterus, on the ovaries, bowel, rectum, bladder, and the delicate lining of the pelvis. However, the implants can occur in other areas of the body, too.
This is a very painful condition and I wish this upon no one. My mother took me to a countless number of doctors who all said that I was just experiencing bad cramps from my menstrual cycle. HA !! Bullshit my mom would tell them too. I spent many nights in the ER because of these "bad cramps." A friend referred me to her own OBGYN, and thank God for that too because he said immediately that it wasn't just period cramps I suffered from. He ended up performing two surgeries on me before my 18th birthday to try and help with give me relief from the uncontrollable pain, but sadly it's only a temporary fix. There is no cure for endometriosis unfortunately. You would think that with all the medical breakthroughs over the years there would be too. Several months after the second surgery I was still in so much pain that my doctor decided to shut down my reproductive system by basically putting me through menopause. I was given a monthly injection of a medication called Lupron for close to a year. The side effects were horrible and just absolutely sucked, but I did get several years worth of relief. Now I was warned then by my OB that getting pregnant may be difficult for me as I get older, so if I wanted to have children to try and plan while I was young. This didn't even faze me at the time and I never even considered that I would have problems trying to have a baby later on in life. Boy how naive and wrong I was!!!

I always knew that I wanted to have children after I found my Mr. Right, and when I did, we wasted no time in trying either. Even before we were married, Chip knew about all my "female" problems. He's always saying that he has no patience but honestly his patience with all my medical issues is astounding. If not for this man in my life, I honestly don't know where I would have ended up. Our first pregnancy was probably like most couples. I was late with my period, pee'd on a stick, and BAM....positive. The excitement was immediate. We called everyone; and I mean everyone and told then our news. That same weekend we went to Barnes & Nobles and bought a baby name book and 'What to expect when your expecting' book. By early Sunday evening I started spotting so we rushed to the ER because we weren't sure what else to really do. After a few hours of being there, it was confirmed that I was miscarrying. It was an early stage of the pregnancy; maybe four weeks or so and was told this was actually really common with most first time pregnancies to miscarry. We were so devastated even upon hearing that. After a few days we had to call and break the news to everyone that we lost the pregnancy.

It was very hard losing that first one but we didn't let that get us down to much, so once the allotted time passed we started to try again. Sadly it took a very long time for #2 to happen for us. About two years actually. Since we were having such a stuff time getting pregnant again, my doctor prescribed Clomid to me. This is a medication you can take to help you produce more eggs at one time to increase your chance of one of your eggs getting fertilized. I think it was the second cycle that worked for us when we did get preggo again with #2. We called and got an appointment with the doctor a week or so after the positive result. They had us watch a cheesy movie first before the actual exam, but he confirmed the pregnancy. I was about 4-5 weeks along so he could not see the sac on ultrasound yet. But that was ok because we left with a due date,  hug smiles, and a bag full of goodies. When we got home we made all those calls again to tell everyone the awesome news. The following week, I miscarried #2  :(

Tomorrow Part II-
#3 and #4

The Muse Is Back !!!

Yesterday at lunch my husband told me that he had a pretty good idea to help me out with my writing schedule. He told me that maybe I should write in blocks and after he explained what he meant, it's pretty much like outlining. I was filled with such excitement that I jumped up and went to my computer to print out my outline to show him that I kind of already had one. It's pretty sad that I honestly haven't looked at or touched it since March 2009. Eeekkk !!!  I've managed to change this outline countless times over the years, but only to improve the storyline. Now I just need to actually sit my butt down and write the darn story.

We discussed my outline in more detail for the remainder of our lunch. I really wanted him to be able to visualize where I wanted this story to go. And when he actually told me that he really thinks that I've got a good story and he can picture it like a movie; that was the kick in the ass I was needing. God, I love this man!!!! But he seriously hit the mark with that statement because that is how I have always seen it playing out in my head.
Needless to say, I went back to my desk and tweaked my outline for the rest of the day. My mind was completely tuned into my story and it still is. I think the muse has come back and I hope that she sticks around this time.

Got it all out now !!!

I do believe I got them all out of my system now you guys. The distractions that is. I spent some time last night trying to tie in some historical facts into my historical based novel. Because I am writing during the Regency era, I am mostly concentrating on some of the early events from the Battle of Waterloo and also the Battle of Trafalgar. I found a very cool website that gives heaps of information that will really help me with tying certain facts and historical figures into my storyline/plot. It even provided different pictures with lots of details and explanations of what was being shown, which is always good  for a writer that needs a visual. Moi. This was one of my "big need to do's" that I had to finish up with, so it's kind of a relief that I tackled it. And with a little fine tuning it should work into the story very nicely. I hope!
Now my next item on the list was a few changes to a couple of my character's names. I originally had my heroine's name as Samantha. I always wanted a name that also comes with a cool unisex nickname, if that makes sense. For example; Samantha could be Sam for short. But after a while Samantha just wasn't working anymore for me. It just sounded boring and not bold enough for her character. So then I changed it to Keira, but no nickname really can be associated with it so that was thrown out pretty quick. Now the whole reason why the nickname and it's importance of being unisex will all be revealed in my novel, so I don't want to spoil anything. Just know that it's important, ok! I had some down time at work one day and came across a very cool website(yes another one) which is everything Regency related. There are endless categories such as names, homes, arts & culture, Navy, Army, food & drink, politics, marriage contracts, and best of all-maps. If anyone is interested, here is the link. click here. Anywhooo...back to the name.
I came across Kit, and thought to myself how perfect that is for her. After I repeated it a few times in my head I got really excited, but first wanted to run it by Chip and also my writing buddy, Andy to see what they both thought. So Kit it is!!! I just need to now figure out her given name. :)   So plan of action for today will be to figure out Kit's given name, and decide on a few other character's names.

New Addiction...Who Knew ???

Who knew how addicting the little smiley emoticons can be?  I wanted to spruce up our forum's smiley-cons because some of them were frankly, just boring. So I went on a hunt via google, to find some better ones. What I thought would maybe be a day or two project, turned into a week thereabouts. OMG...who knew how fun these little guys can be. They have smileys for just about everything. I seriously can't seem to concentrate on anything else lately, which is vera vera bad.  Between getting sick and these damn smileys, I have manage to get nothing accomplished. So here is me getting them out of my system for good, or at least temporarily.

In A Nutshell !!!

Today's post is going to be short and sweet.
I hate being sick!!!
It always ruins things that you may have planned, which I did. It hit me pretty hard late Friday evening after leaving the movies. When I woke up Saturday morning, I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. Couldn't breathe, severe headache, coughing, you get the picture. So my well laid plans to completing my research was a bust. So in a nutshell I didn't get anything accomplished from my to do list.

To be cont...

Research...My Achilles' heel !!!

So I've been hard at work again with my book. I generally always carry around with me a small notepad & pencil for those just in case moments when an idea strikes or even to add to my things to do still list . When I left for work this morning, I made sure to grab my trusty Things that still need to be decided on notepad, that I previously made quite a few notes in. And boy do I have a lot of things still on this list that need to get done before I can really move further along with the writing aspect. Things like actual geographical locations and places, names of characters, names for the ships, etc. Oh, did I ever mention that my novel is based in the Regency Era and featuring pirates? I don't believe that I have. OOPS...sorry about that. lol
Over the years, I have done a lot of research. I tend to get extremely carried away with my research actually. I am so fascinated with our history. All history to be honest with you. But my favorite and almost to the point of it being an obsession is the Georgian, Regency, and Victorian Eras. I can get absolutely lost in a book that details the aristocracy, royalty, fashion, politics, and architecture for those periods. My husband would give me these weird looks when he noticed that I have a stack of library books about furniture and clothing and even ask me, "How can you actually sit and read this stuff Nicole." Well simply because it fascinates me. Seriously!! So yes, my research is my Achilles' heel because I can lose myself in it instead of doing my actual writing. Now I know that I mentioned in yesterday's blog that I have a new plan of action, which was to write first. Right? Well just as soon as I complete that list I made in my trusty notepad. I figured that from now until Sunday, this gives me plenty of time to accomplish that. I hope.

Starting From Scratch...Kind Of !!!

I've mentioned before that I have been working on my HR novel for quite sometime now. Each time that I've stepped away from it, I end up coming back and making a lot of changes but never get any further into the actually story. So once again after a few months reprieve, I'm coming back to it all fresh. I sat at my desk last night in front of my computer with every intention of picking up where I left off last; which was the end of my Prolouge. I considered doing a read through but then changed my mind. I'm the worst at editing as I write. Meaning that I will obsess over all the grammer and errors instead of just continuing forward with the story and worring about it all later. So this is something that I'm wanting to change. Starting from scratch as they say. Well sort of anyway since I technically have about 7 chapters written and pretty much all the research completed.  So my new plan of action is that no matter what, I'm just going to write it first from beginning to end, then worry about the editing part later.
Cross-fingers !!!! xx

Back To Work !!!

Ok most of you guys know that the whole point of this blog was to get me back into the writing mode. With the encouragement of many and especially from one dear friend(that I truly do miss), I did get back into that mode. I was doing pretty good for a few weeks, but another opportunity presented itself, so the writing was put on hold. AGAIN.
I swear that if possible, a picture of me would be next to the word 'procrastinater' in the dictionary. I am the absolute worst at starting on something but never finishing it. Whether it's a story that I was writing, or an afghan I was crocheting, or researching for my genealogy project, I never quite follow through with completing it. I really need to stop this habit because if I don't, then I will never get anything accomplished.  But now that I have a little bit of normalcy back in my life, I intend to turn things around, starting with my book. It's pretty sad that I've been working on it for over 10 years now and no where close to having it finished . So to help get the creative juices flowing again, I restocked on pens, pencils and notebooks. I unpacked and dusted off all my research books and  binders and readied my new office. My dear wonderful husband even suggested that we may need to get a new computer as well since I have an outdated one.
My biggest challenge though will be putting my beloved Kindle away for a while. She is my biggest distraction of all but I have to do it if I want this bad enough. Except when the new Sookie Stackhouse and Chicagoland Vamp book's come out in a few weeks. A girl has priorities you know!

So I will go ahead and apologize in advance if I become a little boring over on the PURLS forum, but I won't disappear. This I promise. I'm setting at least a minimum of one hour a night to do nothing but write.  So starting tonight, closed up in my office with some music in the background, I intend to WRITE!!!

To be continued:

I'm a Free Betch Baby...Lady Gaga Night !!!

Here is the long awaited famous Lady Gaga post that I have been promising for damn near a month now...Oops
I will keep it short so that I can post the some pictures and even some videos that I recorded. Now please do not judge to harshly if you hear a lot of silliness on my part. I did get a little carried away with my back-up singing, and Jack took advantage of me that night too. All in all, this night was absolutly FABULOUS !!!
Oh...also sorry for all the moving around when you watch the videos. I was dancing a lot, which it's hard to do and keep the camera straight at the same time. lol
Enjoy..
Pic's First

I saw a chick wearing these and just helped myself to them to take a pic. I did ask kind of.

Now for some Videos

Spring Cleaning with a side of Gaga !!!

With it being spring time I figured a make-over was in order for the blog. I must have spent at least an hour just trying to choose a new background & layout. This is harder than one may think actually. There are so many that you can choose from. Then when you know that you found the perfect one, then it's time to choose the color scheme. This was tougher than choosing the dang background. I needed the perfect pink & blue that would coordinate with each other beautifully and once this part was done, then you move on to choosing a new font. Now this part I had fun with actually. Because I am...well me, I needed a little character this time around, so the standard New Roman Times or Arial just wouldn't do. After playing around with this feature for a bit, I must say that I was pleased with the outcome of it all. So hopefully besides being very chic and cute to me, it won't be annoying or hard to read for others. I mean it's got to be better that the pepto bismol pink eh!

Now for part II of my blog. I know that I have mentioned for some time now that I would post about my AWESOME evening attending the Lady Gaga concert from last month. I recorded a ton of video, along with taking a ton of pics(can never have enough of the Lady). Anywho...I worked on this for a few hours last night and I seriously did not know that getting the stuff off my phone and onto my computer would be all that hard. Apple makes it a little challenging for us iPhone owners it seems, but have no fear because I think I figured it out and will be working on it this evening. Now I will have to warn you folks that I enjoyed myself immensely that night and may have had a cocktail or two. So if the videos do come out ok you may hear some occasional singing and chatter by yours truly in the background. LOL
Stay Tuned!!!

Being In The Right Place - At The Right Time !!!

I've always been a firm believer that things happen for a reason. Even the things you wish didn't happen.
We kind of sort of had a mini vacation this weekend down at the beach which is about a two hour drive from home. What was suppose to be an early start Friday morning for us ended up turning into a long stressful day. I sometimes tend to not pay attention to the little things that are kind of important, like for instance the drop off hours at the kennel. I stood outside like a dumbass with both my dogs, pounding on the door even though the sign clearly stated they were closed between 12-3. Ya it was 1:00. I was so pissed but what could I do except  to wait around until they finally re-opened and drop my babies off. We finally made it down there and after settling into our really awesome room, went out to dinner then headed to the beach. Only by then it was pitch black out so you really couldn't see anything at all. We ended up looking & chasing hermit crabs for a while before we headed back inside because it was really windy and chilly out.

Now Saturday morning went a lot smoother thankfully. We woke up early, packed a beach bag with some  goodies and headed back out to the beach. Now I took a few pic's with my iPhone, but I just can't even describe what we saw. The beach was completly deserted which was really strange and also nice because I didn't have to feel all fat in my bikini. :) The hidious part was that the beach was absolutly covered with seaweed. A GREAT WALL of seaweed folks. I have never seen it like this EVER down there before. It  was just really gross and oh how it stunk! We did try and attempt to make a small path to the water, but the tide was really high and just kept washing more and more seaweed up so we just gave up and decided on POOL TIME. 

For the most part we still had a really great time.Some of our really good friends drove down not far from us because he races in Corpus Christi at their local track. I felt so bad because he has worked very hard on his new racecar, but luck was not on his side that night. He was leading the race and had the fastest car when his engine blew and couldn't finish the race. Now this is were the story really gets good.

All the guys wanted to go out to eat but it was after midnight and the gals were sleepy, so we agreed to drop off his wife at their hotel. Chip was driving us out of the parking lot and headed back to the highway when I noticed a horse trotting on the opposite side of the highway's access road. I yelled out real quick 'OMG there is a horse running over there.' He stopped in the middle of the road(it was very late so no traffic) and rolled his window down and saw the horse too. Now I am a huge horse lover you guys. I grew up around them and even owned one. So I immeadiatly was like, "OMG we have to go back for it Chip." After we dropped the wife off at her hotel we headed back to where we last saw it, which didn't take us long at all.
Sadly the horse at that point was making its way up on the damn highway, completely saddled but with no rider. My heart was in my throat. I started yelling at my husband to hurry and try to figure out what we're gonna do. Chip was like hurry and call the cops and I was like, Chip you need to call the cops. Well I eventually called the cops while Chip pulled up behind the horse and put the truck's flashers on to try and give some form of protection for her. This became vey scary because it could potentially turn out very very bad for not only the horse but for us too. The traffic was light on the highway thank God, but still it was so nerve wracking. She kept a steady trott for a ways before she thankfully decided to take the next 'exit'. We continued to follow her until the cops finally found us, drove a little ways ahead and tried to block her path. The officer got out of his vehicle and just stood there while reaching his hand out very slowly.
 Bless this horse's heart she actually slowed down and walked straight to him. Chip was like," Go Nik." So I practically jumped out of the truck before he even had it completely stopped. I called out to the officer that I am very experienced with horses and he smiled and said, "Thank God because I'm not and I'm scared of this thing."
I walked slowly to her and took hold of her reins which sadly were still tied to the saddle horn. I wanted to cry so bad for this beautiful creature because she was in really bad shape. I released the pressure from her head after getting the reins untied from the saddle, walked her to a grassy area and just started to rub her and talk to her. You guys this poor girl must have been running for quite a while because she was absolutley drentched with sweat and her legs just wanted to buckle out from under her. Chip came over after parking the truck and started to talk and soothe her, just to help calm her even more. We were able to get her to drink some water that we poured into the officer's hand once her breathing became normal again. We stayed with her until finally dispatch notified us that the owners were on their way. Man did I have something that I wanted to say to them but of course I didn't know the whole story of what happened so I kept my mouth shut. When they did arrive they explained how she got away from them while they were loading their other horses into the trailer. When they finally realized that she was gone, they also started to look everywhere for her, except the interstate. They were very grateful for our help, but I just did't want to let her out of our site. In the end though, I had to say goodbye to 22 year old KK and was just so thankful that we saved this animal from possibly being hit by a vehicle. As soon as we got back into the truck to head to the resort I was silently thanking God when Chip said, "See honey there was a reason why we came to the race tonight and stayed as long as we did."
We were in the right place at the right time for KK!!!!

Here are some pic's

Happy Valentine's Day !!!!

So typically hubby and I don't really celebrate the traditional Valentine's day like most do I guess. We postpone our day to the 16th instead since this is our anniversary for the day we first met. (Awe!!)
But this year I was feeling crafty so I decided I wanted to make a gigantic card. Yes I can be crafty folks.  I headed to the local Hobby Lobby and loaded up on supplies to make my DH a huge V-Day card. And because I can be a dork at times, I screwed it up just a little. Everything was going great until DH yells to me that I have to hurry and come into the living room, like right at that exact moment. It was really important. Which it was because Lady Gaga(I <3 her) was just about to perform on the Grammy's. She is so bad ass and crazy. How can you not like this gal? Anyhoo, after I finished watching Gaga I went back to finish the card. I have a really bad habit of not paying close attention sometimes and get in a hurry to finish things. I thought that I knew where I left off with my sweet touchy-feely quote so I just summed up the bottom and signed it. Didn't realize that I left an important part out of the quote so it doesn't make any sense. I really didn't even notice this until after hubby read it and just kind of gave me this look. But darn it, it was the thought that counted. Right? Maybe you can see my error!

So Happy Valentine's Day to all you love birds out there!!!!

My next blog with be extra special. It's to feature my newest pair of Lady Gaga inspired shoes. ;)

Its offical. I am an Iphone Owner!!!!

So I am extremely excited folks. I have been very patient waiting for Verizon to release the much rumored Verizon Iphone 4. I was a lucky V customer that had an opportunity to get my hands on one early before public release. I had to set my dang alarm for 2:00am, slogged in and prayed that I beat out most since it was a first come first serve kind of thing.
As you obviously can guess, I got it. WooHoo!!! This phone is just badass folks. I really liked my Blackberry Storm2, but this phone is AMAZING. It's going to take some getting used to, but I am in love with my new Iphone.

So without further adieu, meet my new Fabulous Iphone

Projects Are Never Easy !!!

I am the type of person that when an idea hits me, it's stuck there and won't go away until I act on it. My  friend in the down under (Yes you know who you are) and I have discussed this before but it never really went any further than that. We currently have a steady place online that we can discuss our favorite writers and their books, but we get a slap on the hand by the forum moderators if we get off topic or get too personal. A few of us have made enemies over the years, which grant it, has made for entertainment to me more than anything and I can not help but anatoginize the situation more. :)
Oh and did I mention that it's a completely PG website. Very hard to think of PG retorts when you have a cyber argument with someone you really don't care for.

So I spent the weekend researching a new place for us. A place where the rules are more lax, or shall I say non existant. This will be OUR Forum. Where we can discuss what we want, when we want, and who we want to chat about!!!!
I had no idea what I was getting into honestly. I finally found a pretty cool place and the best part is, it's FREE!! Starting to come together nicely if I shall say so myself. I am hoping to have it up and running by the end of the week. So keep an eye out for some updates. Won't be long now.

We Got Snow!!!!!!!

So the last time we actually got snow here in San Antonio was back in January 1986, when we received 14' inches. It was great! Now to give you an idea what happens in our city when we get bad weather, everything just shuts downs. I mean everything. Schools, businesses, highways, etc.

I got up at about 6:00am to determine if my nephew's school would be closed for the day, which it was. I was hoping that we also would get a Snow Day off from work too. I wanted to see how much actually accumulated over night so I got my furry babies up to take with me outside and let them potty at same time. I felt so bad because as soon as I opened the door they both rushed out and slide real bad. It took them a  minute to figure it out but eventually they got the hang of it. We got a little over an inch or so of beautiful fluffy snow but that's like 12 inches to us.  My inner child came out big time and all I wanted to do was play in it. I started spelling my name in the snow and taking pictures of my pup's paw prints. I even made a mini snowman(see photo below). My hubby and nephew came out for a little while too, but we are not used to 20' degree weather and it was damn cold.
I called boss man and with all the ice and snow we didn't have to immediately rush to work and would just keep on eye on the weather. So I went back to bed to get a few more hours of shut eye. Which was so stupid because the damn sun came out all bright and shiny and most of the pretty snow was already melting by the time I finally got my rear out of bed. So our Snow Day was short lived because our boss was headed into work and we had to rush to get ready to get there too. But dang it, we got snow!!!!!!

My First blog EVER!!!

So this is my first official blog post EVER. I have no idea what I'm really doing, but hopefully I will learn as I go along.
I'm trying to encourage myself that I can do this. I can follow my dreams and accomplish something that I have dreamed out for years now. It's pretty simple. I love to write. I have no idea if I am any good at it, but hey who's to say that I can't be. Eventually anyways.(shrugs)

I have always had stories floating around in my head. Some I have actually written down and others not. I've  been working on the same book for probably close to ten years now. Crazy right? Procrastinating? Scared? Yes to all. But what the hell. I need to finish this book even if it leads to nothing. At least I know that I gave it my all and finished it finally. So my journey begins here. :)